lets play a love game.
love love love.
Love, if you’ve been lucky to experience it, can be beautiful, painful, patient, kind, depressing. All the possible adjectives under the sun. However ultimately love is a game we all play. NOW before you call me a pick me, I want you to approach what i’m about to say with some critical thinking. The rise of social media has pushed onto women the idea that being a ‘man-eater’ and financially abusing men is the ideal relationship to be in. Whilst women do need emancipating from the patriarchal society we live in, I don’t believe the ‘sprinkle sprinkle’ movement is going to do us justice.
Dismantling oppressive and systemic issues often are rooted in self reflection and where your morality stands which then progresses into holding others around us responsible and challenging certain stances, if you do feel offended with what i’m about to say, please don’t be.
sprinkle sprinkle✨
ADAPTING YOUR BEHAVIOUR TO WIN THE LOVE GAME ARGUABLY DEFEATS THE PURPOSE AS YOU’RE EMPOWERING MEN BY CENTRING THEM IN YOUR LIFE.
Thiiiiiiiiiiiink about it, let it sit because some of you will get what i’m putting down. Content that is produced and put out on social media to ‘liberate women’ asks women to adapt their behaviour and thinking to attract more men. Do you see the contradiction that occurs? Love is patient and kind; love does not envy, boast it is not proud. love should not be gamified.
Consuming this ideal on social media inhibits narratives that push women to centre men through the adaptation of their personality to appeal to men. It encourages women to a point of pride that should be considered shameful. Women of course should feel confident within themselves however, coming into a relationship thinking ‘I am the prize’ is problematic for BOTH MEN and women. Neither party in any relationships should explore romance with this mindset and strategising love isn’t truly love. There is no equality within love through this approach and garners two outcomes.
A love that breeds competition or A love that becomes stale once the prize has been conquered.
Now of course this content is helpful for women who don’t have much self respect or are genuinely going through tumultuous relationships, however for women who do want a man and are willing to change themselves to get one arguably, are centring men more than those who genuinely do not care for a relationship. Women should not have to change their approach towards life and how they navigate romantic interests if they are healthy. By adding on this extra layer of expectations and limitations that social media has put upon us promotes the very cause we’re so desperately trying to move away from. Women should work towards being themselves instead of putting on a façade as ultimately, you want a partner who loves you for you. As a woman, you’re allowed to be vulnerable and have expectations in a partner, instead of being as detached as physically possible which is a common theme within that type of content.
The romanticisation of being a stay at home wife, relying on your husband financially and having ‘a real man’ as a partner is explicitly rooted in conservative and patriarchal approaches. While feminism promotes the idea of choice between work and staying at home, content creators that hide under the guise of feminism facilitate a thought process that pushes women to want that for themselves. The constant reminders of ‘have high standards & marry rich so you can be a SAHM’ does not liberate women. Women should want to make their own money, be independent from men NOT dependent because once again it gives the man the power and control.
love is not transactional.
‘TheWizardLiz’ used to be a creator I watched closely as an insecure teenage girl out of her first DETRIMENTAL situationship. Liz is a tremendous speaker and highlights the importance of putting yourself first as self-love is important. This is fantastic advice that all women should adhere and follow blindly. However, she stands firm in being selfish within relationships with men and exacerbates a pessimistic approach to love that vilifies people over the smallest of mistakes.
‘They’re miserable, they want you to be miserable’
‘I won’t, I put myself first always’
‘If you change your mindset you will change your life’
Liz encourages women to remain confident through self-evaluation and consistent bettering. Not only is this an exhausting process but it also implies that women must be the absolute best version of themselves to get a man. Which is questionable. Unfortunately to TheWizardLiz’s demise, she ended up getting cheated on while pregnant. I do genuinely wish her the best and it is heartbreaking to see a woman have to raise a child parent, however this poses as a clear indication of patriarchal power dynamics within heterosexual relationships. It does not matter how much you mould yourself and change to fit a man’s type, your own type, whatever! Literally nothing you can do will exempt you from the potential pain that comes with love. Risk is embedded within the contract of love and nothing can mitigate this apart from trust and being self assured.
#liberation
Deception and lying should not be part of a relationship, especially the process of foundation building. However, with content creators like ‘SheraSeven’ and ‘TheWizardLiz’ this is being normalised, consequently affecting relationships growing toxic. Love often times than not, is a losing game on account of the mindset putting your best self first; disguising who you truly are in attempts to win the game makes everyone involved a loser.
Men will lie and show off their friends’ car saying it’s theirs. That trip to Miami? it was paid in 3 instalments.
We all need to cut the bullshit and we need to learn that it’s okay to be who you are. If you are this maneating woman who does not want a relationship that’s fine. If you are a woman who wants to work, doesn't want to work, wants children, doesn't, ITS ALL OKAY. But you should not want to change who you innately are for anyone and you definitely will not feel liberated by this in the name of love.